Leveraging Scripture for a Quick Buck

What makes newspaper special sections so darned special?

It’s Lent, so community newspaper readers are probably counting the days until they receive their next Easter special supplement edition. Or not.

Here’s how it works, basically: Ad salespeople are sent out to visit local businesses with the following spiel, “hey, want to impress your good Christian customers and stay right with the Lord? Buy an ad in our special Easter section — stuffed inside very paper during Holy Week! How much can we put you down for? Quarter page?”

It’s amazing how many suckers fall for this line of bullshit and line up to buy ads. This ridiculous scheme worked way back when I was in my newspaper embryo days, and it worked again in my fitful last inning on the CNI dole.

Back in the day, the occasional Easter section (or other holiday sections) had some original content, feature stories about a local pageant or tradition, and so forth. Readers of the last CNI Easter product got much less. But, as in days of old, the ads sold quickly and this time the pages were filled with cut and paste Bible verses.

Not all special sections are alike, of course. Most are strictly informercials laid out in columns, with the editorial merit of a lunch order. The Residential Real Estate Guide! The New Car Preview! Healthy Aging and You! These advertorials, with photos, are produced by regular staff writers and editors, who receive no extra pay.

Free skilled labor. That’s what makes these special sections so special, at least for corporate leadership. And while editorial folks are expected to produce more content and still keep their work week under 40 hours, the ad folks are pitted against each other in a competition to sell the most ads, with the winner getting … something.

Some newspaper publishers — particularly those who double down on mid 20^th-century industry good-old-boy practices — see these special sections as the best and easiest way to increase revenue (or, in the case of companies like CNI, the cheapest way to keep the lights on and the press sputtering).

Mobile-optimized, digital-first content and technology to suit your evolving readership? What the fuck is that? Let’s put out a new special advertorial special section devoted to chimney sweeping and pet grooming!

These supplemental special sections have probably been around since Ben Franklin was calling himself Poor Richard. Some — like the cut-and-past Easter section mentioned above — are more cynically mercenary than others.

But hey, that wasn’t the first time someone like my old boss had the chutzpah to leverage Scripture for a fast buck. But at least it wasn’t as creepy as his suggestion that we make regular visits to local funeral homes, in the hopes that it would lead to more paid obituaries. Gotta draw the line somewhere.